About me

Sorry I haven’t gotten around to that introduction yet.

For some reason its difficult. Bear with me and come back when I finally figure out how to define my self!

Oh blind love where art thee

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Confusion is the bed I sleep in

You… sleep in the living room
On our non-couch floor

Four years ago
it was meet my
Care-free traveling happy-go-trimmer chica del Mundo gliding on the zephyr breeze
you; Intriguing young hot college drop-out innocent pure hearted stranger gee whiz
Both of us so thirsty for this thing called love
so desperate for a soul-mate,
so miraculously blessed by fate

These days
its say good morning to
“Christian hillbilly macho teenage addict can’t remember shit video-gamester wannabe cool trying too hard or not at all shut up stupid bitch”
Silence is how replies
“Old-world snob psycho-rigid control freak I don’t find it funny mother substitute slash disenchanted baby-sitter what did you just say??”
Now its pick that shit up please one time, two times, ten times a thousand mother fucking brain numbing wall smashing times
Its no not now I’m not horny stop waving your cock around get away from my boobs ouch you brute leave me alone times

Where oh where has our blissful blind love been?

It only takes you to enter a room to scramble my brains like rotten eggs
Where is my omelette I want this drive me to work give it to me
Less is more I told you (a hundred times) before
-So, excuse-me, was that our dinner?
Gee thank you I think I will pass
Bye and by the way can you do the dishes?
I want it all yellow like the Coldplay song but I feel like
Bob Dylan when its all over now Baby Blue

I don’t know my darling where has the good love gone

..but it ain’t in the dirty laundry lingering forever, nor the can I speak now please, the are you done? the everything you say will be pissed against you the Love will tear us apart again the frustration abuse late at night the early morning domestic rape the how far exactly can your take it the I feel like shit now thank you for ruining my day the Shut up  the you’re so pathetic
the I’m not your mom the you never write me anymore the I promise I will
the I’m overwhelmed I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have said that the But we had agreed on that! the Fuck you
the shut up or I’m gonna smack you the I want out the you don’t know how much you owe me the Stop the car and let me out!
the this isn’t working it hasn’t been working
the I don’t want a baby from you the what the hell are we trying to prove?
the we didn’t fight today so far at ten pm and manage to prove each other wrong before midnight
the you always turn the situation around the don’t bite me the why can’t you just say         “I don’t know”
the can I get a kiss please the can you turn off your alarm clock now !
the turn off the light when you leave the have you been smoking pot
the pissing in the …
wind
the is this where we’re at in our relationship now?

Where oh where can our bloody blind love be ?

Oh wait.. wait, wait …
Maybe in the…
Come here now… the
hey its gonna be okay the there…there, cry it out its ok
the keep your beanie on the don’t speak the what does TMI mean? the you’re beautiful the say it again the
I’m gonna come deep in you now
the lets watch a movie the here I got this for you the thank you the what do you reckon? the
I’m sorry
the Baby Baby
the can I come in?
the thank you for loving me
the lets not fight today

..Goodbye blind Love, so easy and naïvely true
You brought the magic along with you
Farewell sweet dumb blind love
you enrapture lovers in a cloud
But we creatures are made of water
and soon enough you rain us down,
as sure as day breaks out of night

every blind love must see the light.

An uncomfortable statement

_MG_4288This is the third day of the year. Nothing has happened in this new calendar yet, nothing and everything.

As Samuel Beckett efficiently stated once “Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness” and starting a blog on this statement is uneasy, uncomfortable.

I once decided to fight “comfortable” as I realized that people getting too comfortable in their lives were becoming dull, selfish, greedy, close-minded and eventually boring. To me comfort and routine became the enemy I had to be aware to fight every minute of my life. I left everything I knew, headed for the other side of the globe and made a point to change every habit that ever started to become too serious. As you all know we are creatures of habit. They are what we create before anything else. We make a point on usual itineraries, number of sugar cubes in beverages, position to go to sleep on, conversation starters, specific places to eat at, specific circles of friends, specific sauce for our pasta, alarm-clock snooze, toothpaste, the way we introduce ourselves or not, the way we make decisions,the seat location we take at the movie theater everything we do is most likely to become a habit.

I have habits.

When I’m happy I wake up early, take a shower and a good breakfast, I say yes to any invitation; without invitation, I cook myself a good meal, I sing  to myself, I edit photos to send out to loved ones, I put on a nice outfit, put on earrings and talk to people in the street, meet new friends eventually, change a few habits and feel adventurous and free to do anything I dam well please.

When I feel down I pretty much keep to old ugly habits : I stay in bed, I don’t shower, stop feeding myself or feed on bare minimums, watch something on screen to keep my brain from thinking, call close friends whom I know won’t judge me, I stare into space, feel sorry for myself, I cry, I eventually get around to something positive like writing to reverse the mood yet I’m always desperately waiting for night to fall on a bad day knowing the battle might very well befall the next morning -but thats another story.

2015 has just exhaled its last breath and 2016 is starting now, new and bright as new years tend to be. And scary. Very scary.

The town I just moved to is not yet mine, I am a stranger in a strange place yet again; far from my close ones and the new year can’t seem to make it any easier. Tis time, and time only that shall make me feel at home, as I knit new habits like a web to secure myself amongst strangers.

So why start a blog now? Because making this unnecessary stain is breaking my habit of silence and lonely writing, breaking out into this world so much full of you. I hereby drop a little bit of me in the nothingness of time, and I shall do it in the language of Beckett.